IT ONYL TAKES ONE TO TANGO

I have an embarrassing story for you.

Monday night I was able to get out of my 2 hour class 1 hour early. I was able to do this because I stood up and left an hour early. I just couldn't take it anymore. Whitney came to pick me up in the car. So, naturally when I walked out the doors and saw her, I started dancing. Like the can-can and did the silly dance like with your arms moving across your chest. Basically just acting like an idiot. Well I thought there was no one behind me.... I thought wrong.

A sexy, and I mean sexy, man who was like 28 with facial hair and dark curly hair and he was like 6'3'' was like, "wow, is that dance for her?' as he said pointing to Whitney in the car. I was so embarrassed and started laughing and was like, "uh haha yeah." Then instead of him just leaving it alone he said, "Was there something good that happened that made you wanna dance?" And I said, "well yes you fine piece of artwork class let out an hour early." Okay I didn't call him a fine piece of artwork, but I thought it. And then with his perfect teeth and his gorgeous tan face just said, "well that is something to dance about."

Oh boy.

WEIRD PSYCH KIDS

I thought you might want to hear from a few of the characters I have in my psychology 343 class. My soft spoken teacher went around the room and made us say our names and some interesting fact about us. Psych kids (including myself) are a little weird. I wrote down what some of these kids were saying because their interesting facts were priceless.

Nate: "I really don't know I got here, because for about 8 years all I did was grow my hair out long so I looked like Sonic the hedgehog and played the guitar in my parents basement for like 3 hours a day."

Katrina: "I'm an irish dancer, but don't ask me to do a demonstration, because I have an injury." LIAR.

Sara: A girl who seems hyperactive just by the way she looks. I don't know how else to describe her. "I can speak 300 words a minute." Of course she can.

John: "Hi my name is John." Then my teachers says, "It says here that your preferred name is HE-MAN." Well, yeah if I can get away with it. I would be preferred to be called that, it is my dream to be called He-man and you asked what my preferred name was, so yeah." My teacher was very intrigued by his request and we are going to make his dream come true by calling him He-man for the rest of the semester. I like this boy.

Christie: "I can hyper-extend my arm to a 17 degree angle." She demonstrated and I almost threw up.

Jonathan: My teacher says, "under preferred name you wrote Jonathan but your records have you as Johnny." And in a crazy frustrated and loud voice he says, "I KNOW! I have ran across that problem in all of my classes. I AM SICK OF JOHNNY. It is so little boyish. I am trying to switch over to Jonathan, but I don't know how it is going to work out for me." Ummm... we are all a bit scared of him.

Dice-k: He is from Japan and has a really thick accent, but he can speak and understand everyone perfectly. And he said "My roommate says that I brush my teeth like Samuri." The whole class died laughing. My teacher asked him how, and the kid said "my speed!" Classic.

Me: I said that I only believe in 4 day weeks and that I have ditched almost every Friday of school since the 7th grade. My school district allowed as many absences as we wanted as long as we have a signed note from home stating we were ill. I was home "sick" every Friday and my teachers loved me for it.

And that my friends, is stuff that is too funny to be made up. I think I will enjoy that class. BE HAPPY!

LANDED IN PROVO... AGAIN!

Well, my time in Las Vegas has swiftly ended. I am officially living in snowy Provo again. And not only am I living in Provo again, but my sister chose a completely different apartment for us to live in, so everything and everyone around us is new. Don't misunderstand me either. I said everything is new, notice how I left out the word exciting. Still, there are perks to our new apartment, for instance, I live across the street from my favorite place to eat. It is called Thai Ruby, and it is swell. I just love it. Our new roommate is from Korea. She is nice. The downside is that I can't pronounce her name or remember it, because it seems as if she says it so fast every time I ask what it is. I couldn't keep asking her what her name was, so I had to stoop and try to be all spy-like and be like "do you have a facebook? We should be friends." I hate facebook and only asked to be friends so I would be able to see her name and learn how to say it. Lame. Our apartment was what we like to call filthy when we moved in, but the perk is that our landlord was actually honest and gave us a few dollars off our next rent payment for the gross mess we walked in to. AWESOME. I'll take the thick balls of hair in the sink that look like they came from a panther and the 5 month old grease spills of vinegar and tea, as long as we get a discount on February's rent. I'm so easy to please it is crazy. Whitney and I found a new obsession with the dollar theater. Although now it costs $1.50 to get into a movie. Yes, I was outraged. Not because I can't afford the 50 extra cents, but just because of the principle of it all. I felt like Christian Bale in Newsies when they raise the price of papes because the big dogs treat the little dogs as dispensable. When I asked why it costs 50 cents more to get into a "dollar theater" they told me that it was actually a discount theater. Uh what? That is news to me! Abuse of power much!? My resolve about this injustice quickly faded away when I realized that my options were to a). leave with my $1.50 and stick it to the man or b). go back to my freezing apartment and do nothing for 2 hours. I am now $1.50 poorer. But the movie we saw was great (500 days of summer). Whitney and I also have a new found love for the D.I. It is FREE ENTERTAINMENT!!!! From the books they sell, the creepy troll dolls that are donated, luggage with broken handles, wedding dresses from the 80's, shirts that my dead granny wouldn't have even worn, and of course the classy people shopping there. I'm telling you, go to a local D.I. or Salvation Army for fun, it doesn't disappoint. And sometimes you can even find treasures there that you want to purchase. Well, that has been my week in a nutshell. Let the madness of school begin.

SAY "NO" TO THE DRESS

Hello everyone... am I the only one obsessed with TLC's show, "Say Yes to the Dress?'" Okay, so these women fly in from all over the country to buy their dream dress, to marry their dream fiance, at their dream location and have their dream life. All this is made possible of course by their dream man's huge ass wallet (or their daddy's huge ass trust fund) . Scenario: bride, size 2, blonde hair with black roots, perfectly oranged skin, fake tatas and in possession of a nasally jersey trash accent. You are left wondering... how in the world does this used and abused broad have an "unlimited" budget? This question is difficult to answer. However, do not rack your brain for too long... enter fiance. Bald, techy dude from India. His name is usually Sanjay or Sheepak. Don't get me wrong... I want one of them too. However, not to many Mormon boys fit this description (bald, yes... rich, intelligent Indian, not so much.) So anyway.. if you want to see a rich twig humiliate, patronize and demean the bridal employees at Kleinfeld's (the name of the bridal store), watch this show. You will be entertained and you will definitely want to elope when your dream man comes a knocking. P.S. If I don't get my dream job of being an international spy, I will become a bridal assistant at Kleinfeld's and steal their Indian men.

I MAKE KIDS THROW UP.

So I have a story for youI was at the Christmas program for the school. There was a kindergartner, we'll name him Bob. He has the sweetest voice and is blonde and very smart and funny. Anyways, I've gotten to know him pretty well and he was nervous to go on stage and perform his speaking part and singing part. So the little guy came to me for some TLC. He chose wisely. I have this little gift where when kids are scared or nervous they always come to me and I can calm them down and convince them to do the task that they find terrifying and they do it. They trust me for some odd reason. It is my favorite gift from heaven. Anyways, he told his parents he wasn't doing it. 5 minutes with Miss Kaley and he was on stage. THEN HORROR BROKE OUT. He started just fine, and then in the middle of singing he just turned white and threw up in front of 200 people. He just puked all over the stage. It was the saddest thing you could ever see.... and I felt like it was my fault because I convinced him to do it. I am terrible. But on the positive side, he has recovered and it was the most memorable act of the night!

Chad.

My Dad is an ESPN man. The only other shows he watches are Bill O'reilly and the Amazing race. However, last week I discovered him watching million dollar listing on bravo, and he said he watches it because he loves Chad. What the ? I cannot stand him. To each his own I suppose. It made me laugh for days.

Vacation!

we love it's a small world.

the glorious beach.

my family is perfect.

My family and I went on our yearly vacation to California. It was, as usual, perfect, and I never wanted to leave. The beach is the most wonderful place on earth, and I love Disneyland. We had some adventures that I would like to inform you about.

1. I found out that Kelsey wants to name her daughter Olive and her son Oliver. And if she has a second son his name will be Sebastian. Goo! They will hate her.

2. I get free stuff from women all over the place. Girls, I need girl-crush business cards. I swear. My mom and my sisters and I went to the O.C. swap meet (classy) and I got free stuff just because they liked me... earrings, bread, etc. I should just become a lezzie bezzie and get it over with.

3. Kelsey believes that the blankets she used were "activated" by her body heat and that is why she got so freaking hot in the night. Loco.

4. We watched an episode of celebrity Jeopardy and I discovered that I answered all of the questions right. They were made for 4th graders. I hate celebrity Jeopardy and so does my family. Also Judge Judy never ceases to amaze us. We adore her.

5.Whitney was talking on the phone in Costco as we were buying food for the week and she was like "I don't know where I am." An evesdropping stranger said in a really gruff voice, "You're in Carlsbad!!!!!" Yikes. Whitney also eats pickles and chips and salsa, and thats about it. She missed those things while in Italia.

6. Costco sells the bomb molasses cookies. Hot damn! Pick them up.

7.My Nana, for some reason unknown, thinks that if someone looks nice, they are Mormon. So she will just ask the cash register guy "are you Mormon?" clear out of the blue, and the usual response is "GOD NO!!!!" Gotta love it.

8. We had to sleep on a pull-out in the living room (my back is in some bad shape) and Charley, my baby sis, refused to sleep there because she said that the shadows in the kitchen at night looked like "King Kong." She was terrified.

9. I love taking long walks for hours on the beach. It is my goal in life to own a beach house. Also, the best musician to listen to while on the beach is Mason Jennings. He is my new favorite singer.

10. I watched the mirror has 2 faces, and funny girl. It would have been complete if Yentil had been played. Babs never fails me.

11. The best thing to do at Disneyland is to people watch. THERE IS NOTHING BETTER. The winner of best person I saw was a fat Asian kid (probably 9 yrs old) at Disneyland and he was eating pork rinds. Hahaha he made my day.

12. Sunrises are better than sunsets. The people out for sunrises are the ones who really care.

13. Saying goodbye to the beach is even more tragic than knowing I will never get to marry Denzel Washington.

14. Tan lines are real.

15. Wish you were there.