COUNTDOWN!

COMING HOME OCT 27

Excuse me, but do you see the date? That means that my sister will be home in 30 days. I am so excited. SORELLA ANDERSEN COME HOME TO ME!

JOYS OF TEMPING

Yesterday the Spanish teacher at school called in sick. How appropriate for the Spanish teacher to get the swine flu. No one at the school speaks Spanish, because it is full of white, suburban, Mormon moms. I am the closest thing they have to a Spanish speaker, so, the principal relieved me of all of my obligations for the day and they threw me in as the Spanish teacher..... oh my heavens. I felt like Jack Black in School of Rock. Hello, just because you have to take 4 years in high school doesn't mean you learn anything! I ditched half of the time and when I did make it to class for the other half of the time I was watching my friend make Top Ramen on his portable stove in the middle of my teacher's lesson (he was a strange kid). Anyways, I am just saying, I do not know Spanish.

You all would have been so proud of me, I walked in the classrooms and all the teachers that know me on campus where like "I didn't know you spoke Spanish?" I wasn't about to look like an idiot, so I decided to act all smooth and was all, "oh yeah, I used to live in Mexico, I know enough Spanish to get by." I left out the fact that in my world, getting by is knowing how to order tortilla soup without onions (sin cebolla), and saying the hi how are you crap you learn from Dora the Explorer. Anyways, my nightmare came true when I was teaching the second graders...... THERE WAS A GIRL FROM MEXICO CITY. That's right, she was straight up from Mexico. Yikes. Ask me if I just wanted to shrivel up and die. I had been faking it well for 3 class periods, but oh boy I didn't think I could do it in front of the real deal. After class she was like "you're Spanish accent is muy bien."Hahaha it was a compliment from a second grader, but shoot, I'll take it.

Needless to say I survived the day, and made friends with all the kiddies in school. I love teaching my regular classes. My students rock. Everyone loves Miss Kaley! Adios.

TO MY BELOVED

To my beloved first crush, may you rest in peace.

I love you.

THIS IS WHAT I LIKE.

So I promised that the next time I blogged it would be about something dandy. I fear too many people think I am either 1. scary or 2. depressed. So, let me pull a Julie Andrews on myself and tell you a few of my favorite things.

~gospel ~family ~my pals ~people watching ~surprises ~temples ~people who give firm handshakes ~wit~playing cards with my family for FHE ~the beach ~art~ salt & pepper hair ~learning new things about Ben Franklin~dreaming about becoming a spy ~roses ~Raj ~men's soccer~good parents ~my orthodontist ~fresh fruit ~smile lines ~elopements~the golden girls ~fishermen ~perfume ~super nintendo~scarves ~ thinking about people getting dressed... um before you judge, think about it. it makes me laugh so hard. ~splash mountain ~people who don't bore me ~dictionary.com's word of the day ~inappropriate jokes ~movies that make me cry ~folding towels (love it) ~old photos ~people who blow kisses and/or wink and manage not to freak me out (that's talent, and i like it if you can pull it off) ~serious men ~pineapple juice ~air conditioning (great) ~french and italian~hand written letters ~phone calls that are short and sweet~making people laugh ~people who stand up for what is right... people with backbones get 2 thumbs up from me.~Emerson ~eating lunch with my teachers ~keeping secrets ~being awake for sunrise ~the hits i sing in the shower ~handmade jewelry ~homemade gifts ~men who can hug you just right (no thanks to sissy girl hugs) ~movies ~sincere comments ~generosity ~nature ~lockets ~80's hair ~maleficent ~bon fires, and then not having to camp outside afterwards ~french fries ~anyone who can do mental math is such a winner to me ~inside jokes ~people that get attached to their pens ~my favorite sweatshirt ~being trusted ~card tricks ~simple lifestyles and complex minds ~rivers ~the front seat of the car ~first aid kits (awesome) ~people with kind hearts ~good story tellers ~sleeping in the park~happiness etc

Okay there you go. Tons of things that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. And that list could go on and on forever. I love life. I am neither scary (unless you abuse your kids in front of me) or depressed (unless the sun isn't shining). I also keep my promises, and I promise from here on out that no more boring blogs like this shall ever be posted again.

JESUS IS COMING... LOOK BUSY.

I have had a few questions of the soul over my time here on earth. Is there a God? What is love? Should I get the coke slurpee or the cherry? You know, the usual. But none are so great as this one, and yes my friends I found the answer to the question.

Why do morons exist? Where do they come from? How do they survive? And how do I learn to love them like our Savior can? The answer my friends is that we love morons because without them, Jesus couldn't come back. It has to get worse before it gets better. So next time you feel like yelling at a complete fool, tripping someone who deserves it, or wishing a curse on the DMV worker who has vaselined lips and red fingertips from eating hot cheetos, and then gets her juices all over your documents, remember that they are your friends. And don't forget, when Jesus does come back and compares them to you, you are going to come out smelling like a rose, and well, they will smell like the Wendy's they have been working at their entire lives.

p.s. why do I always blog when I am irritated? I am going to change that about myself. The next blog will be happy and uplifting and just plain dandy. Until then, my loyal blog followers, much love, and remember: Jesus is coming, so look busy.

THE MIRROR HAS TWO FACES.

Welcome to my new favorite movie. Yes, I know, I know, Barbra is a diva..... so what! In the movie she is wonderful. This movie is hilarious and perfect. My mom was in town and was like, "let's watch the way we were." We happened to find a double feature movie (gotta love them) with the way we were and the mirror has two faces. The way we were was good, but not the coolest. However, this beauty I AM OBSESSED with. I have watched this movie like 7 times. I go to sleep listening to it. I love it. If you haven't seen it, you need to.

I'M A MEAN BALL OF PLATO.

Just as a disclaimer... this was written in bitterness. This story happened in a bitter moment in time. Rich people have treated me poorly this past week. Read on....

Yesterday there was one of those tours on campus, you know the ones I'm talking about. The ones where rich parents and their star athlete offspring get special treatment and ride around in the golf cart on campus and get a tour.

I just dropped off Kelsey from visiting me. So there I am minding my own business walking on campus sad and lonely and hot, and the mom in the golf cart says, "pull over, I want to talk to that girl." Meaning me. Ugh.... rich people. Why God why? How can I describe this woman? She was wearing a big hat and a Nordstrom outfit, full on evening gown make-up, pearls, clutch, was too skinny for her age, to wrinkle-less for her age etc you get the picture. So there I am, and no I'm not in the happiest mood I'll admit it. Conversation goes as follows:

RICH SNOB: Hey GIRL (first mistake), you look nice (second mistake), can I ask you a question (third mistake)?
ME: Um, my name is Kaley, what do you need to know?
RICH SNOB: Well, excuse me KYLIE, but I was just wondering if you like it here?
ME: Like it where?
RICH SNOB: At BYU. I mean we can afford to put him anywhere, why should he go here? Yes, she said this.
ME: Did you just ask me advice on where your kid should attend college?
RICH SNOB: Well yes.
ME: So I just turned to the son and said "Do you like Mormons around you every second of the day, do you like everything in your town closing at 6 pm, do you like a dress code where if you go a day without shaving you are given a citation, do you like being seen as a burden on society if you aren't married by age 22, do you like living in a town where the city hang out is the corner 7-11, do you like living in a town in the winter where the sun never shines and it is cold enough to grow icicles on your dress coded beard?"
RICH SNOB OFFSPRING: Well no.
ME: Then I'm off.
RICH SNOB: Well, you are very rude.
ME: Yeah, you have terrible discernment. I guess I'm not nice. Bye GIRL.

Best part about it was that even in my bad mood I was able to pull a philosphical Socrates and Plato on him and solve this kid's problems just by asking questions. Hurray for Greek thinkers like good ol' Soc and me.

FYI: Just because your rich doesn't mean everyone is your hired help. Spread the word. Help someone get off their high horse today.