Chad.

My Dad is an ESPN man. The only other shows he watches are Bill O'reilly and the Amazing race. However, last week I discovered him watching million dollar listing on bravo, and he said he watches it because he loves Chad. What the ? I cannot stand him. To each his own I suppose. It made me laugh for days.

Vacation!

we love it's a small world.

the glorious beach.

my family is perfect.

My family and I went on our yearly vacation to California. It was, as usual, perfect, and I never wanted to leave. The beach is the most wonderful place on earth, and I love Disneyland. We had some adventures that I would like to inform you about.

1. I found out that Kelsey wants to name her daughter Olive and her son Oliver. And if she has a second son his name will be Sebastian. Goo! They will hate her.

2. I get free stuff from women all over the place. Girls, I need girl-crush business cards. I swear. My mom and my sisters and I went to the O.C. swap meet (classy) and I got free stuff just because they liked me... earrings, bread, etc. I should just become a lezzie bezzie and get it over with.

3. Kelsey believes that the blankets she used were "activated" by her body heat and that is why she got so freaking hot in the night. Loco.

4. We watched an episode of celebrity Jeopardy and I discovered that I answered all of the questions right. They were made for 4th graders. I hate celebrity Jeopardy and so does my family. Also Judge Judy never ceases to amaze us. We adore her.

5.Whitney was talking on the phone in Costco as we were buying food for the week and she was like "I don't know where I am." An evesdropping stranger said in a really gruff voice, "You're in Carlsbad!!!!!" Yikes. Whitney also eats pickles and chips and salsa, and thats about it. She missed those things while in Italia.

6. Costco sells the bomb molasses cookies. Hot damn! Pick them up.

7.My Nana, for some reason unknown, thinks that if someone looks nice, they are Mormon. So she will just ask the cash register guy "are you Mormon?" clear out of the blue, and the usual response is "GOD NO!!!!" Gotta love it.

8. We had to sleep on a pull-out in the living room (my back is in some bad shape) and Charley, my baby sis, refused to sleep there because she said that the shadows in the kitchen at night looked like "King Kong." She was terrified.

9. I love taking long walks for hours on the beach. It is my goal in life to own a beach house. Also, the best musician to listen to while on the beach is Mason Jennings. He is my new favorite singer.

10. I watched the mirror has 2 faces, and funny girl. It would have been complete if Yentil had been played. Babs never fails me.

11. The best thing to do at Disneyland is to people watch. THERE IS NOTHING BETTER. The winner of best person I saw was a fat Asian kid (probably 9 yrs old) at Disneyland and he was eating pork rinds. Hahaha he made my day.

12. Sunrises are better than sunsets. The people out for sunrises are the ones who really care.

13. Saying goodbye to the beach is even more tragic than knowing I will never get to marry Denzel Washington.

14. Tan lines are real.

15. Wish you were there.

I SEE YOUR HALO.

Today I did some of the following:

~tied at least 14 kids shoelaces that had come undone.

~taught a lesson about ratios and percentages that i didn't even understand, and the whole time i was teaching i was praying the kids didn't ask me questions about it.

~sang the November gobble gobble song (hand motions and dance included).

~played soccer with 3rd grade boys at their recess....they were impressed.

~sent six graders to the principals office because they kept throwing sand at each other.... idiots!

~read the best book of my childhood with the coolest kid ever! read the Watsons go to Birmingham if you can. it is perfecto.

~made an adorable paper turkey, and on the paper feathers kindergarteners and i wrote things that we were grateful for. one girl was sure to write cookie dough and another boy was grateful for his glasses.... such cuties.

~and best of all.... heard this hilarious conversation between 2 5th graders.

boy #1: "i am an angel."
boy #2: "yeah right!"
boy #1: "i am." "see my halo?"
boy #2: "yes, and do you want to know what is holding that halo up?"
boy #1: "what?"
boy #2: "two little devil horns!"

Yes, I love my job.

EXTRACTING WISDOM

I got my wisdom teeth pulled. I dread these sort of things. I know what you all want to hear: the waking up from anesthesia story. It wasn't too crazy though.

I woke up from anesthesia and refused to talk. People would say stuff and I would just give them the death stare.... like if you say one more word I will kill you. Quit asking me if I am comfortable! No, I am not comfortable with 4 holes in my jaw and bloody gauze in my mouth, but thanks for asking. When it was time for them to wake me up from the leather couch I was sleeping on, I told the workers I would not put my shoes on. Whenever he tried to slide them on again I just kept waving my long, pointer finger back and forth, like no, no, no that is not going to happen. No shoes for me. It took my mom coaxing me to put them on for about 5 minutes, and then I finally gave in. I'm still stubborn even when I am drugged up. Still, it was not too bad of a reaction to the meds.

By the way, I think pulling wisdom teeth is a conspiracy. Our grandparents and every other generation before them never had to get them pulled. All of a sudden they are these terrible teeth and they need to be extracted? Um no. Those oral surgeons just want my cash money. THIEVES.

COUNTDOWN!

COMING HOME OCT 27

Excuse me, but do you see the date? That means that my sister will be home in 30 days. I am so excited. SORELLA ANDERSEN COME HOME TO ME!

JOYS OF TEMPING

Yesterday the Spanish teacher at school called in sick. How appropriate for the Spanish teacher to get the swine flu. No one at the school speaks Spanish, because it is full of white, suburban, Mormon moms. I am the closest thing they have to a Spanish speaker, so, the principal relieved me of all of my obligations for the day and they threw me in as the Spanish teacher..... oh my heavens. I felt like Jack Black in School of Rock. Hello, just because you have to take 4 years in high school doesn't mean you learn anything! I ditched half of the time and when I did make it to class for the other half of the time I was watching my friend make Top Ramen on his portable stove in the middle of my teacher's lesson (he was a strange kid). Anyways, I am just saying, I do not know Spanish.

You all would have been so proud of me, I walked in the classrooms and all the teachers that know me on campus where like "I didn't know you spoke Spanish?" I wasn't about to look like an idiot, so I decided to act all smooth and was all, "oh yeah, I used to live in Mexico, I know enough Spanish to get by." I left out the fact that in my world, getting by is knowing how to order tortilla soup without onions (sin cebolla), and saying the hi how are you crap you learn from Dora the Explorer. Anyways, my nightmare came true when I was teaching the second graders...... THERE WAS A GIRL FROM MEXICO CITY. That's right, she was straight up from Mexico. Yikes. Ask me if I just wanted to shrivel up and die. I had been faking it well for 3 class periods, but oh boy I didn't think I could do it in front of the real deal. After class she was like "you're Spanish accent is muy bien."Hahaha it was a compliment from a second grader, but shoot, I'll take it.

Needless to say I survived the day, and made friends with all the kiddies in school. I love teaching my regular classes. My students rock. Everyone loves Miss Kaley! Adios.

TO MY BELOVED

To my beloved first crush, may you rest in peace.

I love you.