SAY "NO" TO THE DRESS

Hello everyone... am I the only one obsessed with TLC's show, "Say Yes to the Dress?'" Okay, so these women fly in from all over the country to buy their dream dress, to marry their dream fiance, at their dream location and have their dream life. All this is made possible of course by their dream man's huge ass wallet (or their daddy's huge ass trust fund) . Scenario: bride, size 2, blonde hair with black roots, perfectly oranged skin, fake tatas and in possession of a nasally jersey trash accent. You are left wondering... how in the world does this used and abused broad have an "unlimited" budget? This question is difficult to answer. However, do not rack your brain for too long... enter fiance. Bald, techy dude from India. His name is usually Sanjay or Sheepak. Don't get me wrong... I want one of them too. However, not to many Mormon boys fit this description (bald, yes... rich, intelligent Indian, not so much.) So anyway.. if you want to see a rich twig humiliate, patronize and demean the bridal employees at Kleinfeld's (the name of the bridal store), watch this show. You will be entertained and you will definitely want to elope when your dream man comes a knocking. P.S. If I don't get my dream job of being an international spy, I will become a bridal assistant at Kleinfeld's and steal their Indian men.

I MAKE KIDS THROW UP.

So I have a story for youI was at the Christmas program for the school. There was a kindergartner, we'll name him Bob. He has the sweetest voice and is blonde and very smart and funny. Anyways, I've gotten to know him pretty well and he was nervous to go on stage and perform his speaking part and singing part. So the little guy came to me for some TLC. He chose wisely. I have this little gift where when kids are scared or nervous they always come to me and I can calm them down and convince them to do the task that they find terrifying and they do it. They trust me for some odd reason. It is my favorite gift from heaven. Anyways, he told his parents he wasn't doing it. 5 minutes with Miss Kaley and he was on stage. THEN HORROR BROKE OUT. He started just fine, and then in the middle of singing he just turned white and threw up in front of 200 people. He just puked all over the stage. It was the saddest thing you could ever see.... and I felt like it was my fault because I convinced him to do it. I am terrible. But on the positive side, he has recovered and it was the most memorable act of the night!